pimpyourego

Me & My Ego

Like – I guess – everyone on this planet – I want to be loved and respected. I want to hear that I am great and wonderful and special. So I do stuff, of which I think that it makes people love me. The following will be a list of my personal strategies. This list will be updated every now and then. Maybe you get some inspiration for pimping your own Ego…enjoy!

1. study art – the best way to be seen as someone special is doing something “special”…I didn’t want to be a hairdresser or a secretary, but I also don’t really have any special talents…so I decided to do art. art can be anything, you don’t really need special skills and a nice effect is, that if you do an exhibition people always tell you, how great you are (even if it’s not really what they think, they have to say that and about truth my ego doesn’t mind) caution! you might not earn a lot of money when you do this…for myself I think I can always join the advertising business later and still act like it was art…

2. quote famous people – another good tool to pimp my ego is making other people feel stupid…I’m not really very intelligent, so I simply quote famous people…people i love to quote are Michel Foucault, Nietzsche, Freud, Sartre, Heidegger and Michael Jackson (just dropping names is already impressive, huh?)…a very cool thing about quoting people is that you can’t be blamed for the shit you say, because it’s not your own thoughts. Important – if you want to do it right – is: never use the quotes on intellectuals…better look out for less educated people!

3. lovers – always great is having many girls who admire me and tell me that I’m a sexbomb…at this point you have to be very very careful: IF there is a girl who doesnt want you, you get an ego problem. Of course you can just grab another one, but usually the ego wants most, what it can’t get…there are many thoughts and strategies about the so called “love”, I guess i will need a new page to cover at least some of this system. For now it must be enough to say “run away when you feel like you ‘love’ her!” And don’t tell her if she didn’t tell you before. Always make sure that the other person wants you more! (I maybe should write a book about that..)

4. own a dog – owning a dog is very helpful (especially if you can’t really manage point 3.) the dog always obeys and follows you, you are always right (because you have the food, simple) and even if you’re unfair he can’t complain or tell anyone. Owning a dog is simple: just go to a pet store and buy one. They make many different dogs, you can select your favorite color, size and even if it should have dots or stripes.

5. expensive electronic gadgets – even if you don’t have the money, it really pays to buy a Blackberry instead of a cheaper no-name mobile. even if you don’t really need it, it’s always good to carry an expensive iPod around (just to show it off, you don’t even have to use it) or have an oversized flatscreen tv at home (good for point 3.!) …it’s not about really needing these things, it’s only about the price: if others see that you own luxury items their egos are badly yearning for, you automatically raise in the coolness ranking…easy, no skills or big efforts needed. (same works also for cars and clothes btw.)

6. act like someone who works hard – people also like hard working, successfull people…but there is a secret about this issue: often people who really do work hard are not seen as such…it’s much more about pretending….if you always pretend that you are totally stressed and have so much to do, everyone will think that you are very busy and successful and – and this is the best – the nice guys will come and do your work for you, and you just have to lean back and take care of your image…cool huh?

7. whining – sometimes I just tell people that I am bad, useless, fat, whatever. this is just for their reaction: if the woman says “I am fat.” the guy has to answer “no, you’re beautiful.” this game really works, always and everywhere, whenever I need a little ego kick. But important is not doing that too often because you might come to a point when people really start believing what you say. and try to be creative – “I am fat.” is not very new and the reaction wouldn’t be as powerful as you wish. better for instance (referring to point 1.) play the missunderstood artist by saying “my work is crap. nobody understands my work.”

8. show them your back – and they’ll follow you…(hopefully)

 

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